Sleepless in Sacae
by Kit Moreau
Summary: Don'tcha just hate it when the title has nothing to do with the story? Just kidding. Canas, Erk, and Lucius try to solve Legault's snoring problem. Read? Got Chappie 2 up. Sneaky, sneaky!
1. A Sleeping Hurricane

-Kitty- Okay, this is kinda my first fanfic up here, so... well, I'm a little new at this. The whole Legault-snores-like-a-hurricane thing came from a version of Sain's Journal that I was doing a while ago. Randomness is good. I'm not sure, but I think this'll end up being about 3 chapters long.  
  
-Talisin- Yeah! And- and- and-  
  
-Kenta- And Kitty doesn't own Fire Emblem or any of the characters, minus herself.  
  
-Kitty- Yes I do! I own Fire Emblem! So sue me! Muhahahaha...  
  
-Talisin- =O.o= And she says that the zoo owns Chase and whoever owns Vicks... um...  
  
-Kenta- Owns Vicks.  
  
-Talisin- =.=What Kenta-san said.  
  
-Kitty- Umm... so, yeah. I think that's it. Oh, and credit to Kate/ivanfanatic for the Erk and Lucius thingie and the title.  
  
-Kenta- ...Thingie?  
  
-Kitty- Yeah. Thingie.  
  
-Kenta- Ah, okay. Well, we hope anyone reading this will enjoy it.  
  
-Talisin- Yeah!!  
  
"Hhhhhhaaaaaaakkkkk-shuuuuuuuuuuuu...rttttlrtttlrttl..." Erk turned over and shoved his head beneath his pillow. "Hhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkk-shuuuuuuuuuuu... rttlrttlrttl..." Legault was snoring again, and rattling the headboards while he was at it. "Hhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaakkkk-shuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...rttttlrttlrttttl..." Erk growled, then kicked the lump beneath the covers. Canas, one sheet beneath Erk on the same bed, stirred.  
  
"Shhkk- huh? Whozzat? Wassup?"  
  
"Hurricane's at it again. Your turn to flip him." Canas rubbed at his eyes.  
  
"Buh youwere upfore me! Whycan you do it?"  
  
"Hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkk-shuuuuuuuuuuuuuu... rttlrttttlrttl..."  
  
"I did it two hours ago."  
  
"Idin' notiz."  
  
"You were asleep."  
  
"Oh." Canas rolled over and kicked his side of the covers off. "Guess I haf'a do it, then, uh?" He tiptoed in his bare feet and blue silk pajamas over to the other bed where Legault was lying, head back, with his mouth wide open.  
  
"Hhhhaaaaaaaaaaaakkkk-shuuuuuuuuuu...rttttlrttt-" Canas put a hand on the headboard to keep it from rattling.  
  
"He has some serious sinus problems...." Canas shoved his hands beneath Legault's back and turned him so that he was lying on his side. The snoring subsided- a little.  
  
"Hhsshhhhh-shhhhhhhh..."  
  
"Finally! A little peace!" Canas jumped.  
  
"Lucius! Don't DO that!" Lucius put his hand on the side of the bed and lifted himself up from the floor where he had been lying.  
  
"I'm SORRY! It's just... gosh, why do -I- hafta sleep with HIM?!" He shook the sheet from around his waist.  
  
"Short straw." Erk said in a stage whisper from where he was seated on the other bed, still beneath the comforter. Lucius scowled.  
  
"Don't REMIND me, Erky..." Erk shrugged.  
  
"You asked. I told." Canas shuffled away from Legault's side, one hand on his chin.  
  
"Either of you know any good remedies for snoring?" Erk thought for a second.  
  
"Taping his mouth shut?"  
  
"Plugging his nose?" Lucius piped in.  
  
"Not letting him sleep?"  
  
"That's mean, Erky."  
  
"That's the point."  
  
"I know a few... From what I've heard around camp." Erk raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Eavesdropping?"  
  
"TALKING to people." Canas went and pulled out a small notebook from one of his bags. "I could use a little light...." Lucius handed him a flashlight. "Thank you. Let's see... vinegar... whiskey... tape... whatever vix is... do we have any of these things?"  
  
"Probably. Lemme see the list." Canas passed the notebook and the flashlight to Erk. "Lowen probably has some vinegar. Ask Marcus or Merlinus for the whiskey."  
  
"... No comment."  
  
"Wasn't kidding, Lucy. Tape's easy. Chase keeps a good supply for torture purposes."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Hasn't used any yet, though."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And the last one, it's Vicks. Kitty's probably got some." Canas found an illuminated watch.  
  
"We can't get them now. It's 1 AM!"  
  
"Can, too. I have a few door keys in my bag."  
  
"......"  
  
"Don't get any ideas, Canas."  
  
"I wasn't thinking anything."  
  
"Mm-hmm..." Erk finally kicked off the comforter and slid his feet into a pair of red slippers. "I'll get the keys..." He shuffled over to his bag and rummaged around for a few seconds, then passed a door key to the other two. "Lowen and Marcus are rooming with Matthew and Raven. Lucius, you take them. Merlinus is in his tent. Canas, you take him."  
  
"But-"  
  
"I'll get the tacticians. Try not to wake anyone up." Erk took his key and padded out the door quietly, Lucius right behind him. Canas looked at the key in his hand and groaned.  
  
"Oh, dear..."  
  
-Talisin- So yeah, that's it! We hope you enjoyed it and we hope you read the next chapter when it's up and we hope you review. And we hope you don't flame because that's mean but if it's bad enough to deserve a flame then I guess you could flame if you feel so inclined. Didja hear that, Kenta-san? I used a big word!  
  
-Kenta- Yes, you used a big word, little one.  
  
-Kitty- After a whole lot of run-ons.  
  
-Kenta- I can't help but notice, but you use quite a few run-ons yourself.  
  
-Kitty- Nyeh, I'm working on it.  
  
-Kenta- Now, go write chapter two, okay?  
  
-Kitty- I do that now!  
  
-Kenta- All right, reader person, review if you please. And kindly don't question the appearance of flashlights, Vicks, and illuminated watches on Elibe. You may fry our poor little authoress's brain. Have a nice day! =.= 


	2. Searchers

-Kitty- WHEE!! Second chapter! And I got REVEIWS!!!  
  
TheOneAndOnlyT: Yay!! First reveiwer! =gives cookie=  
  
Bladegryphon: Yes, poor Leggy. Naw, Leggy, shaddup. Now.  
  
HellFenix: Here's chapter two, then... but I'm not sure if it's funny enough.  
  
Ivanfanatic: I TOLD you I liked that title! Why were ya surprised?  
  
Marthroyboy: Yeah, this is a lot of fun to write...  
  
Link015: Yes, great hand! I have done as you have commanded!!  
  
And the update took so long because I went to camp in St. Louis and then another thing in Raleigh and it takes me forever to write anyway and I have a lot of ideas for other fics that I wanna work on but I'm too lazy to.  
  
-Hector- Lesson 1 on being a muse: NEVER give her coffee.  
  
-Travis- Oops?  
  
-Hector- =sigh=  
  
-Kitty- Okie, so... I don't own FE or any of the characters except myself and the random cat at the end and I shouldn't have said that and-  
  
-Hector- And you're acting like Tali.  
  
-Kitty- -.- I hate you.  
  
-Travis- And Chase is owned by... well, I think he was just sold to the San Diego zoo last Thursday. And the Vicks people own Vicks.  
  
-Kitty- Okie, I really think this chapter is weaker than the first one. And I also think I switched writing styles halfway through, soo... =cute face= Forgive me, okies?  
  
-Hector- ...  
  
-Travis- ... Methinks she's a bit hyper.  
  
-Hector- O.o Well, while we go and figure out how to calm her down, you, the reader, can... well, read this chapter.  
  
-Kitty- My, Hector's being polite. Anyway, thanks to ivanfanatic and bladegryphon for some of the ideas. =points= Why're you still looking at me? Read!  
  
=========  
  
The door to the room shared by Lowen, Marcus, Matthew, and Raven creaked open. Lucius stuck his head in, quickly scanning the room to see if anyone was awake. Nobody was, thank St. Elimine.  
  
"Whew... now, what was I supposed to find again? Oh, vinegar. And whiskey. Let's see..." He shuffled in his puppy slippers over to the nearest bag and opened it. Matthew's. "Hey, I thought I was missing that comb!" He pulled the comb out of the bag and stuck it in a pocket of his nightshirt, then moved to the next bag. "Ah, this is Lord Raymond's... oh, dear. This shouldn't be here..." He shoved the magazines beneath the rest of the contents and looked over to where Raven was lying. He suppressed a giggle at the hero's pink bunny pajamas, then moved to the next bag.  
  
"Mmmm... bacon, eggs... and... hmm... waffles... yes, waffles are good..." Lowen was planning breakfast in his sleep. Lucius stuck his hand in the bag and moved it around. Clink.  
  
"Found it..." he pulled a small bottle of vinegar out of the bag. "And tomorrow, I think I'll ask him why he carries around vinegar." He moved on to Marcus's bag. A pair of spare underwear, two small pictures of Eliwood and his dad, a handful of pictures that looked like they could be used to blackmail over half of the mercenary band, and a picture of... "EW. I do NOT need to see Vaida naked... ew. Ew. Just, ew." Lucius shoved the picture beneath everything else and turned to go out of the room. "Well, what d'ya know..." He tiptoed over to Marcus's bedside table, picked up the flask of whiskey, and left the room.  
  
=====  
  
Erk crouched down to examine the lock on the door to the tacticians' room. The key he had... wasn't working, put simply. And growling expletives at it wasn't working either. So, he was trying his next idea. Pulling a lockpick out of one of his many pockets, he stuck it in the lock and twisted it like he had seen Matthew do all too many times.  
  
"You DO know that only Thieves and Assassins can use those, right?"  
  
"HEATH! Don't sneak up behind me like that!" The Wyvern Lord (complete with wyvern pajamas) leaned against the wall.  
  
"I didn't sneak up behind you. Been here the whole time."  
  
"...Staking out the tacticians?"  
  
"Priscilla swears up and down that Chase sleepwalks into her room every night and tries to get in bed with her."  
  
"... I am NOT going to ask..." Heath shook his head.  
  
"Whatever you say. WHY, exactly, are you trying to get into their room, anyway?" Lucius strolled up, a bottle in each hand.  
  
"Erky dear, what ARE you doing?" Erk jumped up.  
  
"TRYING to get into this flippin' room." He wrinkled his nose and stuck his middle finger up at the closed (and still locked) door. Lucius sighed and shook his head.  
  
"And... WHY are you trying to do that?" Heath asked again.  
  
"Well, me an' Canas an' Erky are in the same room as Legault, and he snores real bad-"  
  
"TELL me about it!" Heath said sarcastically. Lucius shot him a dirty look to shut him up.  
  
"- And we're trying to find a cure for him."  
  
"So we can SLEEP." Heath nodded.  
  
"I see. Any chance I could help?"  
  
"Gonna give up your stakeout?"  
  
"I'm convinced it's actually Nils. Not Chase. They look a lot alike."  
  
"And they act a lot alike, too. Hey, Lucius? Any help with this stupid lock?" Lucius glanced at it and pulled a barrette out of his hair. "You WEAR those?"  
  
"They keep my bangs out of my face when I'm asleep." He bent it and inserted it into the lock, then twisted it. The lock clicked and allowed him to open the door. "Simple, see?"  
  
"...Why didn't the key work, then?" Heath took the key and looked at it.  
  
"This... is a chest key, buddy. Not a door key."  
  
"... Oh." Erk ducked into the room. "I SO wish I had a camera right now!!" Lucius and Heath peeked into the room.  
  
Chase had one hand over the edge of the bed, the other curled around a purple stuffed dog, his face under the pillow, and his rump straight up in the air. Kitty was curled at the foot of the bed in a lump of arms, legs, and quilt. From somewhere deep in the center of the ball small snores could be heard.  
  
"I see why she needs the Vicks..." Erk swiped the little blue jar off the bedside table. Lucius pointed to Chase.  
  
"Tape's beside his bed." Erk picked up the roll of duct tape and pushed Lucius and Heath out of the room. Then he left and locked the door behind him.  
  
"So, I guess we all just go to your room and get to work, right?"  
  
"Whatever you say, Heath."  
  
"What room?"  
  
"Third room on the left. Door's open." Heath grinned and walked toward the room. Lucius followed, whispering to Erk.  
  
"How'd he know about Legault's snoring? He's never even roomed BESIDE him!"  
  
=====  
  
Canas stood in front of the gaping maw of the beast that was Merlinus's tent. The grass beneath his bare feet was a bit cold... he shivered.  
  
"Grrrrrrnoklsnaaaarkgruuuuuuuuu... SNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKsheeeeeeew..." Canas jumped at the sound, then realized what it was. Merlinus... snoring?  
  
"My, my, my... I believe he may be almost as bad as dear Legault..."  
  
"SNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKsheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeww..."  
  
"I didn't ask you."  
  
"Hhhhhhhhkkkkkkkkkhhhhuuuuuuuuuuu..."  
  
"Permission to enter, Sir Snort?"  
  
"Hhhhnnnkkkkkknikniknikhhhhhhhhshuuuuu..."  
  
"Why, thank you sir." Canas pulled back the tent flap and ducked inside.  
  
Along the walls were shelves, stacked high with weapons and... things in jars that Canas dared not to wonder about. In one corner was what looked like a... cage? He squinted to see what it was, but decided against it when he thought he saw something MOVE inside it. What would that transporter be keeping in there? A wyvern? A pack of wolves? A rabid bard? Canas backed away from that corner veeeerry slowly. He stopped when he hit something hard and heard a clinking sound. He whipped around and managed to catch a jar that was just beginning to fall.  
  
"Oh, d-dear..." Canas hastily put the jar back on the shelf. Was Merlinus a transporter or a mad scientist? There were EYEBALLS in that jar! Or maybe it was just some olives... he couldn't quite tell.  
  
"Hkkkkkkkkkshnuuuuuu... snkkkkkkk shuh huh? Wha?" Oops. He'd forgotten about the transporter. Please don't wake up. PLEASE don't wake up... for the love of sweet Saint ELIMINE don't wake up... There were a few more snorts, and then the regular snoring started up again. Canas relaxed and sighed in relief. Close call.  
  
There was a room in the back- that was where the snoring was coming from. THAT was the best place to look for the whiskey. Canas stuck his head around the flap and scanned the room. Somewhere... ahah! There was a shelf across from the bed that had what looked like a flask on it. Canas crossed the small room and grabbed the flask, shaking it to make sure it was full and hoping that the cork was in tight. When he turned around to leave...  
  
"Oh, my..." Merlinus sleeps in the nude. Isn't THAT an interesting thing to know? Not when the sheets were hanging off the side of the bed. Canas blushed, covered his face, and stumbled across the room muttering about his 'burning eyes.'  
  
"Prrow?" Eh? Canas stopped a few feet from the tent flap. Silhouetted against the moon was what LOOKED like a cat. Of course, it might have been a mutated mouse the SIZE of a cat, but only because SOME people have over-active imaginations. "Prrrrow?" The mutated mouse- okay, cat, bounded toward Canas, leaped, and latched its claws into his shoulder.  
  
"Ye-OW!!" Canas covered his mouth with one hand and grabbed the cat off his shoulder with another. Mustn't wake up the transporter. "Stupid flippin' cat..."  
  
"Shnuffk... shkknt... whu? Whassat? Somebuddy 'ttacking?" Oh, no... Merlinus was up. Canas glared at the cat hanging from his hand, which was looking at him with big, green eyes, and took off running before the transporter could come out in all his, uh... uncensored glory and discover them snooping.  
  
"RrrreeeeeeOWWWWW!!!!!"  
  
==========  
  
-Kitty- And one of my muses makes a cameo! =points= The random cat is Cadence. Fear her. Thanks again to bladegryphon for the cat idea, it'll work into the plot VERY well, actually.  
  
-Hector- ...BAD images... WHY did you put them in?! WHY?!  
  
-Travis- O.O  
  
-Kitty- O.o ...I think I've permanently scarred my muses. If anyone else was scarred by an over-active imagination and my mentioning of nekkid Vaida and Merlinus, send me an email and rant.  
  
-Hector- Hate hate HATE you, I do. You know that, right?  
  
-Kitty- Yes, I think I've heard it enough. Okie, reader person, review okie? You'll make one hyper authoress VERY happy. 


End file.
